you, quietly, how it felt ?

how did it feel when you heard my name in a crowd, for 10 seconds feel like me - shocked, excited, anxious, dependent, regret, guilt, self-betrayal, sad, happy, angry, not to be the things you told me not to and in between all these, it's me trying to find my lost self where I'm with you happily along with my physical body attacking me with exhaustion signs all of a sudden. only if you feel like me, will you understand how I lived in that for a year with you ? I am not saying I was never happy, I'm saying I'm happy and genuinely all these emotions are in the same intensity, it's the highest mental ride for me if you felt this much too in your silence for me, all these positives and negatives, then I guess, you managed it better than me, you loved me better I don't want to assume anything anymore, since I don't know you now, I don't know your silence too and am not afraid of saying all these to you in my consciousness so quietly, I put myself out here, bravely thinking you are not here.