yeh Kahan aa gye hum?

sometimes i think i’m just stalling. like— what if healing is just a prettier word for hiding? what if this chasing and drifting and fixing is just me running from the mirror? because if i stop— really stop— i’ll have to sit with her. the girl i keep pretending isn’t me. the one who wants to be loved so badly she keeps calling it growth when it’s really just escape. escape. my escape. the chaos i keep calling comfort. i look for it in his lost eyes, in lingering touches that never stay long enough, in half-hearted apologies that sound like lullabies sung through clenched teeth. in dry lips that taste like strawberry juice and goodbye. and for a moment, it feels like enough. a high. a pause in the noise. a place to rest my ache. but only for a moment. do i stay here or run? do i move out or lock in? what if i lock in, what if i finally choose me — and life keeps going on without me? what if the moment i stop chasing is the moment everything worth having passes me by? what if healing means coming back home to find no one’s there? because i waited for no one. and no one waited for me.