Wishful thinking

Sometimes I look at myself and I wish I was another I wish I was able to be like others I wish I was able to associate freely I wish I was able to assimilate things easily I think and wonder why am I different Why can't I be able to have joy Have I ever been joyful I ask myself 'NO' that's the response I'm just happy cause of occuring events But am I actually full of joy? NO Cause after that event, Even if I try my fuck'n best to be the happiest I can I can't.......... After laughing or playing I'm back to that deary state I sometimes wish I had someone Someone I could just rely on Someone I could just go to without him or her asking what's wrong and just consoling me. . . . I wish I had someone who would just give me a hug and say. . . ' You may not want to tell me but I know it's all going to be okay". But I don't. I wish I had people who wouldn't judge me but be friends to me. . . . . I wish I had people who would stay close beside me when I'm sad even though he or she doesn't know the problem . . . . . . I wish I had people who I could actually call my friends come rain come sun I wish I had people who would care for me like no other apart from my family I wish I wouldn't be disappointed by my thoughts and get hurt by expecting too much I wish I could stop wishing and face life the way it is But I can't I wish I would have people to really understand me without judging, snitching or getting tired of me THAT'S ALL I ASK FOR. . . . . . . . . . . . .