Wish it was me

Anger seething, thoughts of hate are filling my head. I don't know why I feel all this pain and dread. It was out of my control it's the diseases fault you are dead. That's what I wouldve liked to have said. Instead I blame myself for your untimely demise. I should have been there I should've heard your cries. In the end I wasn't there and i feel ashamed. Most days and nights I wish it had been me death had claimed.