winter

the winters are so full of longing and it's so very deep in my bones that i feel like im drowning in it i dont even understand what exactly it is im longing for but i know it's something more something more than i have something more than i can imagine something more than i deserve it's the kind of feeling that makes the thought of being buried in snow desirable the feeling that makes the thought of being in the middle of a lake at night fill me with something other than dread the same feeling i get when i look up at the stars and wonder where the universe went wrong when she made me the way i am put me in this world broken and divided told me to appreciate the life ive been gifted but how could i ever consider this anything more than a curse? a joke the universe tells in her infinite cruelty the stars laugh as i helplessly try to gather the pieces of my very soul