why would he do this to me

How could he do this to me ? why would he make me do this ? does he hate me so much that seeing me cry makes him happy? does my pain cause him happiness? why would he do this to me? am I really a bad person? am I not good enough? is it easy for him to control me just so he won't hurt her? I hate letting him do this to me.. I hate the fact that I have to see him every day makes me happy but I hate it all at the same time.. did he not see me cry as he was hurting me? did he ignore my silence asking for help? why would he do this to me ? I gave him everything I could but all he ever did was please himself and didn't care enough about how I felt... I wonder if he hates himself for hurting me this way.. I was only 19 years old and it all stopped when I was 24 that's crazy the fact that I scream to everyone in the world but no one heard my cries asking for help everyday the same thing and yet I'm still trying to figure out how to heal from this.. why would he do this to me? #survivor