Why did I?

Your name mentioned so many times, Like a ghost lingering in the night. Thought I took you out of my life, Clear to see you still haunt me. You're still so dear to me, Never leaving me completely. And deep down, I try to love the person you are But it’s hard. Why did I love a person so sour? A person so deceitful? Why did I love you? I know I'm breaking your heart, Breaking mine as I write this. God, I feel so selfish. You were never meant to be my source of happiness. But when was I happy? When was I sad? When did I truly feel? Never felt anything while holding your hand, Hugging you, Kissing you, Whispering in your ear "I love you" I meant it, But I didn't feel it. Because I never knew when you would go again, Spreading fiction, Spreading lies, While you look into my eyes. Your mutters echo in my mind, Making me ask so many why’s Why did I love a person easily? A person tearing me down? Why did I love you?