Why can't I?

The sunlight finds me, bright and yet cold against my skin. I don’t move. The bed is heavy, a weight I can’t lift. The day outside is beautiful, loud and bright but I stay here, tangled in sheets, alone in the dark. I want to get up, to break free from this hell, but the world feels too big, too bright, too little, and yet... too much. So I drown in these sorrows, I tangle in these sheets, I don't even know how it feels to be me. I feel myself gasping for air, and grasping for freedom. And it makes me feel dumb. Why can't I leave this bed? why do I have these small voices in my head? and why.. won't anyone answer? Why am I hurting on the inside? Why am I lying on the outside? And most importantly why do I feel like I'm drowning. Like everything is to far gone. I try to pull myself up and yet my body aches. The past of my mistakes, the closed gates and the feeling that I'm to late. There's nothing more than a sad girl Who can't even make it to the floor.