why?

why do I feel this way night through day, and it does not slay, I'm tired of all the fighting and conflict between us, you ignore me or turn thing on me and I'm tired, I'm tired of pretending that its my fault, I didn't do anything and I know that, but I always put it on myself, I blame myself because I don't wanna blame you, in my eyes your perfect when your not, I try to make any excuse to make you perfect and I ignore all the red flags, why?, why do I feel like this? my heart is broken from your ghosting, I'm tired of all the lies and excuses, I love you but I'm tired, tired of trying for someone who treats me like this, why?