why?

I hear music and close my eyes To find myself wandering wild. And I ask myself why every time? I'm scared of my own mind, It ceases life, diving into dead. And I ask myself why every time? My thoughts bleed abyss, Without a single tinge of light. And I ask myself why every time? The sky is crying hard outside, I can't find the peacock nearby. And I ask myself why every time? I am so full of cold breaths, I slaughter their new hopes. And I ask myself why every time?