Who is she?

I don't like looking in the mirror, because when I do I don't recognize what I see. I don't remember what it's like to eat without worrying, but my tongue remembers the taste of water or coffee. it's all I allow myself to have. People say you are unable to measure happiness, but my mood is dependent on the numbers on the scale. Dreading it going up just even one number. I am exhausted I am tired I am tired of checking each time I pass by my reflection, pointing out every detail, every insecuritie I notice about myself. I am exhausted of going to bed hungry because im scared that I'll regret it in the morning. I am tired of looking in the pantry every morning happy to eat, but the calories on the box tells me otherwise and now I feel as if I can't eat. I am tired of always being cold, getting daily headaches and always feeling fatigue I am tired of brushing out clumps of my hair and pulling at the skin I am in constantly feeling like a failure. I am tired of caring about everything that you say because it's always "you need to eat more." or "are you really going to eat that much?" Will I ever even be enough I'm tired of carrying the weight of all the expectations I know I'll never be able to meet.