where's home, where's hope

it's like pouring my heart out in a love letter and you can't even read my handwriting. I feel I could fall in love with anyone, just like TV Girl said. I keep my options open, so I won't get left. but the school life I've made, I'm leaving it soon. It's a right of passage that every academic goes through. my home life is bad, and I've given up care, but I'm leaving school, unaware. dad's gone, mom's manic, brothers a ticking time bomb. step dad is secluded, young brothers unmuted. they think that I'll stay, forever, with the no worry crash free zone, but I feel it so deeply that I need my own home. one that love can ooze off the walls, where my friends will come over with just a phone call. it'll be my own,and I'll live my life! the one I'm dreaming now. my place. my own. for now... I'm waiting patiently. do you ever feel like a physical pain from your emotions? my heart. my arms. my knees. my feet. ache. yearn. want. need. I haven't had a hug in aa whilwithout asking for one. someone save me p,ease, before I'm swallowed by the ever gulping sadness called loneliness. so it could just be my spelling or my ink pen. I'm sure it's legible, c. Canu read it closer again? I'm sure it's just my handwriting.