Where is He?

I turn to God. But I hear not an answer. God, you said you'd be er forsake me. So why am I here alone? You said you'd never let me suffer more than I could handle. Then why am I thinking of suicide? WHY HAVE YOU LEFT ME? You left me here to suffer through abuse. Even the memories of abuse. And I still have to go back to this place of hell. I see reminders of my last everywhere. WHY WONT IT LEAVE ME ALONE? I wish I didn't believe in you. Maybe that'd make it easier for me to dismiss it as bad luck in life. But I believe in you so much that it hurts. It hurts because you've never answered my cries. I cry my heart out to you at night. CAN YOU EVEN HEAR ME? I pray for you to take the pain. But I feel nothing leaving me. A am slowly begining to feel nothing in my heart. Soon I'll be numb enough to end it all.