when will the pain ene

I was lost but not afraid; Even at the end if the blade; I no longer feel any pain; Even while poison flows in my veins; Sometimes I feel like i should just die; But then i remember then I'll never fly; Suicidal thoughts plague my very head; But I'll never find me own dead; I could tell you that I'm happy when I'm not; Butwhen you find out you say I'm just a tought; I thought that I was worthy of your love; For god isn't waiting for me above; No one seems to see me while I'm in tears; I've burned away all my tears through all the years; I walk this long and long road alone; For it's the only one I've ever known; when will the pain seem to end; my ex left me for my best friend; they said it wasn't me; for they missed me but I'll never be; I was so caught up in my pride; it felt like I had nothing to hide; I'm so afraid of the future and the past; for how long will this pain seem to last;