When will my real life begin?

This is a super tough situation for me. My grandma stepped in when things were rough, and that's a huge deal. She's the one who raised me, taught you stuff, and was there for me when my mom wasn't. That's a bond that's hard to break, and it's like, i feel like i owe her a lot. But at the same time, her hurting me, whether it's physically, emotionally, or whatever, it's not okay. And it's valid to feel hurt and conflicted about it. It's like, on one hand, she's family, and she's done so much for me. On the other hand, her actions have hurt me, and that's something I need to deal with. Maybe it's not about staying mad or forgiving right away. Maybe it's about understanding what's going on, and finding a way to cope with it. Like, have you talked to someone about how you're feeling? A trusted adult, counselor, or friend? They might help you sort through these emotions. But i know, It's okay to feel torn. I don't have to choose between being mad at her or being grateful. I can feel both, and that's valid.