when it rains

My mind is a stock that goes up and down but ultimately its trend is negative, At this point I should just take the pill, pill after pill then maybe it won't hurt, I try to stand but I can't its too heavy to bare, Day to day the same old, same old, Slowly but surely my heart goes cold, Itll get better, its not permanent is what im told, But when my head hits the pillow, thoughts, And thats why I love when it rains, Because the rains louder than my thoughts, Every step I take forward is a trap and like a fool I get caught, After all these lessons I thought I'd been taught, Taught something worth learning But I never learn. Does that mean I should stop, But I cant help but yearn. Yearn for a day when I'm better. I'm worth nothing, doing nothing, achieving nothing, losing everything. But that why I like when it rains, cuz its louder than these thoughts.