what if it happens to me

one day just one day I will be gone not now though hopefully I make it past 17 my anger gets a hold of me like I'm drowning in water that is pulling me in from the deep ends of the water but part of me wants to let the tide get to me and take me away from all my pain the pain I have to go through almost being 17 here in this world not using anything for the pain but meds from a doctor the pain where I get so angry to the point that you cry and all you see is red the pain where your body gets hot and your face is red and all you feel is rage like you can't take it anymore and you wanna tear something apart so badly just like they tore you apart to pieces to where you can't pick them backup because you steadily keep being torn apart where it feels like a tornado hits you and tears you apart until you can't breathe until it hurts so bad till the point you can't do anymore for yourself where you feel that pushing people away makes it better because Im scared to get hurt again and again until you have no more tears left to cry until one day you take your last breath and say good bye what if that happens.