What Am I to Do?

I curse your name, Yet with every beat—it's you I claim I love you like a madman loves his pain And hate you like a sinner hates his stain You are that knot in my chest The butterflies in my stomach The knife that twists with every breath Yet the only warmth I've ever known My restless nights are drowned in memories of your touch And I am unable to sever the ties that bind me to you Yet still, It's You The ache I crave The torment I embrace The hate that keeps me alive The ghost that haunts my every thought The wound that never heals My ultimate truth My endless lie The question I dare to ask But fear to know You are my curse, My undoing, My ultimate downfall, My redemption, My tormentor, My saviour, My salvation, What am I to do?