Was my trust a thing at all?

I never thought that I'd find out this way month after month I'd find out just the same and now I'm looking back with my thoughts in array tears in my eyes, not knowing what to say the 1st time the scratch was made right in my heart but I hadn't realized it was the start of a long road of broken trust and emotion of which you caused, setting the pain in motion when I think of it now I just want to laugh you were always at the end of the path I would stand proudly there in support when the bells in my brain would beg to abort and now there I stood, the 2nd chance because he was sorry at the 1st glance but then once again, my trust was destroyed and all I wanted to do was avoid these hurtful lies he spit in my face I wanted to cry, but it wasn't my place I no longer felt safe, my trust was gone and yet he helped me feel like I belong here is the 3rd and should've been last time my heart has gone dead, trust no longer alive and yet there is love I struggle to let go because this was one thing from so long ago and ultimatum will be set, it's long overdue will this be it? I'm wondering too his lust over me, I do long to find out this Monday we'll see but I have my doubts 💔