walking graveyard

as I sit here slowly loosing myself day by day and trying to keep a straight face , deep down I know I am changing for better or worse couldn't say all I do know is I feel as if I am not amongst the living I feel worse badly broken ,battered and shattered I am so tired of dealing with everything all at once. I keep asking myself what keeping me going but I think its better I don't know because if I am going to be walking through the graveyard if life I might as hell hold all my pain in side silently never speaking or talking because every time i do it ends in disaster I wish I could feel something I wish I wasn't do emotionally closed off I just wish I could stop pushing people away but I can't do that because if I don't I risk letting them in and hurting far much more worse so even though its painful I'll walk through the graveyard alone onward to the brink of madness and hell in the seeds I sowed for it my turn to come to term with my demons its my turn to pay the prices for my sins so If your still looking for me don't bother I am already gone I just ain't in the ground yet.