waiting room

You told me once Half-joking, half-serious That If anyone were to ask you out It would be after school was done And I believed you God, I believed you So here I am Counting time I didn't ask to count Willing to wait two years When I could be dating someone else With one text When I could have easy When I could have now But I don't want easy I don't want now with anyone else I want you And that's the part that ruins me Because I know you know Youve always known You were never supposed to see it In the way I look at you too long, In the way I go quiet when your name comes up, In the way I make boundaries for everyone And leave none for you And now that you know, You won't be direct You said you want to see How long I'm willing to wait Like this is a test Like my heart is something You can watch and measure Honestly? Id wait Id wait two years Id wait longer Id wait until the words don't hurt to say anymore Id wait just to be wrapped in your arms And finally exhale But waiting is heavy And loving you in secret Is heavier And I don't know how much longer I can carry both And still be just me