Vacant (re-type)

I still think back on that day and I wonder how many parts of me are missing scattered and lost in that memory and how much more I lost along the way how much of me I lost watching you lose yourself I never believed that one's childhood dies entirely But if I did it would be that day and that moment, passing peacefully in its sleep given up on itself like your mind gave up on you and I hope it lies peacefully at rest beside you and I still wonder how it happened how you were if you were alone in that vacant room your vacant stare fixed at the ceiling Your vacant mind overcame with vacant lots where you once thought your beautiful thoughts. and I wonder if when you died for a moment you were yourself if for a moment you were lost and confused why suddenly you were in that horrid room in that horrid nursing home where we must have been instead of beside you and if I had ever crossed your mind before you died. If it was fleeting and passing or lingering, hanging upon your thoughts like you hang on mine. And sometimes I hope that nothing had crossed your mind that time you died. Because I know if you saw what you had become, and where your life had gone, you would have cried. the same way I did that night