untitled

i cant keep control. i feel like im falling, and falling, and falling, and falling. into a giant, deep, black hole that i can never find my way out but only go deeper, deeper, deeper, deeper. until i die. die of my dead. the most painful, horrific, and scary death i could ever encounter. like im imploding. the more pressure, the more pain. the more pain, the more release. the more release, the more euphoria. and thats all i want. is something to feel. pain, happiness, sadness, anger, anything. any emotion. i just want to feel something. because i dont feel anything anymore. no matter what i do now. wether its self-harm, running, hot showers, cold showers, starving, drinkng. nothing works anymore. it all just a blur. it all feels the same, all looks the same, nothing changed, it all stays the smae. why cant something change? im tired of it. i want it to stop. i want everything to stop.