under the rainbow

I used to wonder how it happened, If I could ever be loved again or At least be worth forgiving Resigned myself to the idea That bc I was a junkie it was only a junkie's life I was fit to be living And now I have this story Of A seemingly hopeless life Tattered and Marred by the tears and the scars Big disappointments and low blow fights, broken promises and strangers I brought home for the night Good intentions became this foreign idea Became hard to even recognize Because even when we spoke words of hope we still slept through most days Holding one another less out of love But more so out of fear if we let go, we'll lose each other along the way Every day that I wake up the world is still cold and ugly It's nothing like it should be And on the nights I actually go to bed sadness over takes me bc things are what they are instead of what they could be I'm stuck in this thing More like a nightmare Than a life And all of the things I dread the most Are perpetual and promised But I'm not allowed to complain Bc I chose this, right? So I don't get my hopes up Just let my heart sink in my chest Trying to convince myself That despite what everyone thinks I fought hard And gave it my best