Two Similar Nights

The night is still everyone is asleep and I'm left awake. My room is warm yet chilly all the same time and my cat lays next to me. I've stolen my mom's weed pen and I smoke it while listening to Jeff Buckley's "Lover, You Should've Come Over" I don't know why I do this- maybe to prove a point- but what I do know is that this makes me feel. I feel and I don't know what I feel. Humanity is too much for me. I wish I could say "oh it's only sometimes" but truly, it is almost every day. Everyone is just too loud. They scream, laugh, cry, judge, and it all feels like it's for me. They hate me. The house is quiet the birds begin to chirp outside and I'm almost gone. The tub is cold but full of a mixture of warm water and my sinful blood. I've taken my old razer back from my mom and I cut and bleed while listening to Phoebe Bridges "I Know The End" on repeat I know why I'm doing it this time because I've had enough of the cruel world putting shame on my shoulders and just like Phoebe- I know this will end with me dead so I'll take the responsibility and kill me now for everyone's sake but my own.