Turbulent sea

The question always etched into my mind Are you alright ? constantly on the brink of a crisis cries hollowed out by my fear of being seen Not just seen but seen as weak, For as long I remember it's a rollercoaster with no breaks An escape room with no clues I was trapped, but I also had the key occasionally I would let myself sing or have a glimpse of warmth. How does happiness feel like My feeling is not closely related, it's a cheap thrill with its rush of dopamine. Once the variables dissipate so does the smile on my face I alternate constantly shifting not because of my need for it but for others not to see how miserable I am underneath. Nobody wants a wet blanket at a bonfire I'm bare all year round in a winter landscape survival is winning they say But I didn't win in any way I wish to escape but I do not which more The people that broke me or from me completely I wish to disappear completely that even I won't be aware of my tangibility. I wish to be immersed into the elements so I don't feel but create a feeling I want to be the rustling trees caressed by the wind, the ocean tide constantly laying siege to the shore The rain drops softened to the ground by the trees around.