truama and Love

drowning deep , drowning slowly depression weighs a certain ton on my body. I hold it together Noone would know on the inside I'm screaming help this pain is dissolving me alive. hurts and hang ups , Love and friends how do I tell them how I feel in the end . my demons come out and like a wounded animal I make the first strike to avoid getting hurt for the viod that's inside my heart wasn't cherished it was ripped to shreds trashed and abused repeatedly for years. letting go has been hard for me just to be happy I make progress and sometimes don't see that there is Love made for me somewhere out there from the heavens above glinted in all thats love and light but would it stay will it stay in my darkest hour when I refuse to want anyone or anything will it stay. if you say you love me will u stay I don't know what to do for my world has blinded me from real love so pardon and forgive my words when I push away it's not that I don't love you exspeshly if I keep allowing u in my life it means I'm relearning how . the fog is lifting and I'm discovering I'm not wanting to drown as bad with you around.