troubled life

I think it's safe to say I had the wrong role model growing up because it was always someone around me that just didn't give a f*** I thought they were there to help me and grow up and understand and when I needed it they could even give me a helping hand well that ain't what happened it went a little different way I was taught some stupid s*** to leave a group of grown men speechless with nothing to say things I couldn't explain to you because it might send us to jail and one day when I die when crimes I committed my send me to hell it's one of the ten commandments that I broke in the book I ain't supposed to talk about that poor man's life I took it's like a real bad dream that keeps on repeating and then when I wake up I wonder If the Lord will forgive me one day day when we have our meeting I I think of that day standing in heaven's door and the Lord looks me around my face and says James and I don't need you no more I want to ask him to forgive me and even help me out in this life and world of destruction without a doubt so I guess when it's all said and done it's safe to say I never had a good role model not even for one fucking day