Tricks or Truth

i walk down the hall, feeling everyone's eyes I walk down the hall, hearing everyone's whispers "are they talking about me," I wonder, "do they know I hear them" they don't I turn my head and no one is looking I wonder is my brain playing tricks I've had this before, this social anxiety but that was different I was younger I thought as you get older it disappears but I was wrong it only gets worse am I imagining or do they have fast reflexes to turn their eyes away before I can see is it just my thoughts I'm hearing or are they actually talking about me what are they saying? "bad things," my brain says I try to ignore but deep down the words and stares have embedded in my heart I feel like I have to be perfect but even my best is not enough are my friends really friends or are they just there for the ride how do I deal with this? how do I stop crying myself to sleep, every night? how do I survive? do I talk to them do I put in earbuds and music or do I just ignore and block my heart is there such thing as a shield that can wrap around your heart and keep the bad stuff out? I would buy that to keep the bad stuff out I have had enough but I don't know how to say that can I fix social anxiety