trapped

ever since I spoke my first words I felt fights when I speak, I create bad things that are unimaginable when I am around, I create bad tension I hope the Lord is watching because I don't know if this is something good or bad I am willing to do anything to find out what is my purpose with such a powerful gift of mind and thought why spiders keep on crawling me like a web in a sad corner that was for happiness before me what was I made for? what am I made for?