train of thought

In my bed I lay listening to the foundations of decay when will I be happy and feel like myself again I cant see the light at the end of the tunnel dreaming of sliding a blade across my wrists watching the blood drip and hugging my sweet mother which I so deeply miss. When will I be happy when will I feel like myself again I dont know. Let me out of this body I want to be a soul looking down at everyone from the peculiar cloud seeing them wondering if Im up there waiting for them. When will I feel like myself again