To be honest.

I am to sad to be honest. Honesty requires a level of vulnerability that I cannot scumb to. It's the happiest time of year but this the clichés and lights cannot mask the sadness. I cannot be honest if I was I'm not sure I could get out of bed. I am sad I feeling like I'm losing myself or maybe I never really knew her just a mask for different seasons . I am sad we aren't picking up our baby from daycare and watching them open gifts and everyone else gets too. I am that I feel so alone that they all moved on and im left here with superficial how are yous while we all lie and silently cry. I am sad because I wonder if I love you enough if your happy and I can't tell you. how could I be sad with the life you built us? If I am being honest I can barely breath and I cry for brief moment throughout the day and all I do is lie. but since I cannot be honest. I am okay yes I am fine. I will figure it out I always do. I am not sad.