tired of breathing

im so tired of breathing, so tired of believing, that change is possible, fate is immutable, death pulls me like gravity, beckoning me to finally rest, i want nothing more but to go, but my feet are planted firm. i beat on them, screaming JUST MOVE, FUCKING GO! LET ME JUST DIE ALREADY, I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE! but my legs dont care, they yearn to walk, run and roam, the first of my body to mutiny, my hands seek to caress, my eyes look to tomorrow, and my heart beats with hope, how i hate hope, the sweet lies it tells, that i can live like a person, that someone out there can save me, from the demons who cackle, hiding in my head getting cozy. i tried to kill them, but i cant, when everything betrays me, the demons are all i have left, even cold, an embrace saves, and i cant embrace myself, not when i want to hold, this knife as close to my heart as i can, inside if possible, if my hands would listen but they dont, they wont, i dont get to make the calls, my heart is in charge, the dumbass. and my brain understands what it doesn't, that hope is fiction, expectation myth only results are real, and results show that im wasting time, air, food, and water, because i dont need it, or want it. im so tired of breathing