This Sinister Place

What have I done, to return to this sinister place? I have not one, to vanish without a trace. Shame for shame, perhaps I think too hard. Or can hardly think, a trainwreck of a retard. This is what it means to be oblivious I make me fucking sick Aware enough of unknowing ignorance Peace of mind is a trick An illness of illusion, I thought that I was real I thought of my delusion, pretending not to feel All the while I implode, the processes are vaporized I am the source of this disease, threat that must be neutralized Empty me of breath, Make sure this life is sterilized Before you truly see the ugliness I am, peer into me through my own eyes It's getting closer, I hope I choke On my heart, on my words, on what I misspoke Filling my chest, in my throat it's upheaving I met the terror of a perpetual grieving Despite my heart and its continued beating I long for the day where it ceases bleeding Shall I choke on the words I was eating Because so long as I come here, this sinister familiarity This place of self loathing, and hindsight level clarity I cannot escape, I can't be touched By my only truth, what I knew as a true love.. I think I have, overthink I am a flesh built scourge Nothing feels q