this house.. isnt my home..

I truly am trying to keep my head above water but its hard.. I feel like im constantly fighting to survive.. my home doesn't feel like a home anymore.. my loved ones.. no longer make me feel loved or safe.. but its always me..my fault.. my problem. my "mental issues.".. my constant need for affirmation.. hearing how you view my feelings and me. just makes me question why I stayed for this long.. how can someone who loves me so much.. treat me like I dontatter, my feelings don't matter.. im numb.. and it makes me utterly.. when I get like this.. its terrifying for me... its like I turned off my humanity like a light switch.. just like that. my smile is gone, my happiness is gone, and im starting to once again ..disappear.—😿