This ache, this moment

i thought the ache was gone, buried beneath time, beneath the distractions that held me together. but here it is alive again, a wave crashing over me without warning. i didn’t expect it, this sudden shift, this feeling that tightens around my heart, and wraps itself around my throat. it’s like something is stuck heavy, pounding, forcing my chest to rise and fall with each breath that feels too shallow. i thought i was done with this done with the memories, done with the past, but some things stay. this ache is a reminder, a mark of something i can’t fully erase. and now, i’m left wondering when will it stop? when will it fade into nothing, like it’s supposed to? how long will i carry this? how long before it’s truly gone? this pain, this weight, it doesn’t define me. but i still feel it and i still question when it will finally let me go.