the tightrope of life

The tightrope of life. You see the land below and the sky above. You feel the tension you put yourself under just to see if there is a safety net under you. Sometimes there is but other days there is not. It is exhausting; you walk the rope until you take things to the place you want to go to; this or making it to the end. You reminisce on the past. If I had lived life differently then could it have turned out differently. Maybe if I did not do the drugs then I would not be as fucked up as I am. Without the ODs then could I have a healthy body. If I was never bullied could things have turned out differently, if I had friends then could I be different. The big one; if I were aborted, could I have avoided all this pain. Could I have not existed in this body, this vessel that I exist in. All I do is exist. I do not live, I just breath when I do not want to, I wake up when I do not want to. Sleep is a curse, it taunts you with the eternal sleep and then wakes you. I am not lost; I know my destination and that is death. People think I am better just because I have a smile every now and again. This is a FAKE smile that comes to fool you all. Sad part is it works perfectly. The mask is a fantastic invention