~The thing that destroys me~

I'm sitting there in my chair, And thinking about my favourite thing. The thing that destroys me without me noticing it. It helps me to cope and to get through the day. I was stressed bcs the time was running to fast. Since I started it, I can feel every minute that passed, when I'm not doing it. It gives me Headaches and stress and pain. I never knew something that Bad can be so addicting. But I want to let it out. The pain that destroys me mentally. So why not physically? Everyone tells me "it's bad.", "It's a addiction.", "stop doing it". They act like I don't know.I know it's bad. So maybe I should keep it my little secret, even though I want to scream. Scream for help, scream because of pain, scream because I want to end it all. But I know I can't. I can't leave my loved ones because I'm the lost one. Pls someone finally fix me, end me, HELP ME. But that will never happen, that's why I do the thing that destroys me. ~M~