the reason I cant

the scars were white now I can't hide it any more I cut almost every day sumtimes I burn but mostly cut but not my rist only my solders and thiys I cant take the risk of killing myself....God would be mad I'm only scared of God being mad I'm not scared of death at all the only thing holding me back is God the only reason I have depression is because I can't kill myself because of other depression l told my mom not that I self harm but that I have depression I can never tell her I self harm... but she always crys I can't Handel her pain while I am telling her about mine but she doesn't have any reason to worry because I literally can't and that is my problem and nobody can help.