the price of my actions

I start paying attention to what's happening to me, and that's when the worry begins. I start to despair, looking for immediate solutions, which I wouldn't need if I had always taken care of myself. I must seek my recovery, but I don't know whether to overwhelm myself more by seeking it or letting it consume me. The overwhelm is part of what's making me decline; my high heart rate, dizziness, and fainting spells are consequences of my lack of care. I never thought it would get to this point. I always said it was temporary and harmless. Now I see I was lying. And my body pays the price for the consequences.