The middle child

I am the middle child. I am the only girl out of two boys. I am the one who makes all mistakes. I am the one who needs to shut up. I am the one who always has a "smile" on. I am the one who is left out. In school, sports, and even home. I am the one who has suicidal thoughts. What did I do to deserve this? This anxiety, this loneliness, this imperfection. How come I get treated this way? Its like I'm not here. Why am I here? How am I here? What if I were the eldest child? What if I were the youngest child? What if I was someone else? What if I weren't here.