the me that I am now

trying to understand what's going on inside of my mind... wicked thoughts challenges my favor of righteous judgement. realizing that I'm far from the Bible even though I study it. but it seems like it's never connecting to my spirit because of my behaviors. I try to hard to be a prophet or a leader to lead my people. the reason why I get hate from them the most. how can I be chosen and I never choose the right thing to do. it's not that much hope for a guy like me even if its a forgiveness button Everytime I do wrong. even when the world is against me and they attack my spirit,I find a way to heal my wounds from the misty of spiritual warfare.