The hard part.

The hard part is admitting that i really can't handle it anymore I can't just hire someone to take care of me or an unpaid bill I threw money at my loneliness and all I got were friends who think of drunk at 3am as a sport I stared at my phone for so long I grew a glass face first you say you feel nothing then your eyes start to agree with you then one day someone you love cries in front of you and your only thought is "what is for dinner" there's only one way left to talk about being sad that won't make me more sad "I'm so sad, I jumped off a bridge and missed" "I'm so sad, I once called my female coworker mom" I've made so many jokes about killing myself that I'm starting to think that they're funny Everytime I say goodbye I find myself adding "forever" cause who knows when it'll be true tomorrow is a lease I have to sign every morning open the window and let me shout for help something is burning, bring water I'm so sad I fell in love with hands and a row of teeth I'm so sad I line up the knives I stare until one of them speaks where's the bad part how do I carve it out by now is it all rot.