The fear that haunts me

The voices and memories, so vivid that you can't sleep. The more you try to forget, the more they come to surface. Now you choke on air, and see what happened, what would have and still may, as you cry for help but it took your voice. Being with you is the greatest gift and greatest curse of all. It makes me happy and see a reason to live, fear the day I die and you'd be here alone. But it makes me fear the day you leave, take your own life or get into accident. It makes me see that day over and over, what would have happened if I was late. Would I have found your lifeless body? Or would I have seen you jump and lay in the ground injured? Both those thoughts terrify me and break me, killing me slowly. I don't want to admit the trauma it left to not hurt you but it haunts me every second. Everytime I fall asleep, I wake up shaking and gasping for air as I try not to cry, everytime I stay still and space out, it's just me re-living those nightmares. It's like claws gripping my flesh and mind, poisoning the air I breathe, clouding my thoughts, and whispering the words of terror into my ears. A melody that haunts, curses those who hear it, and doesn't let go until it's become reality.