~The burden of trans~

I hate myself. Like... in general. But what I hate the most about myself is my gender. I was born a girl. With a breast and a voice, which I think makes a horrible noise. I hate my body and my face bcs it reminds me of the person I used to be, before I found my insecurity. About the thing that is the most obvious. That I am trans, or maybe that's the wrong word for me. I would call it an abnormally. A wrong thing that came to me, before I could even agree to the burden that comes with it. The dysphoria, the embarrassment, the pain, when someone uses the wrong name. I hate my name. It sounds weird and just not like mine. I found a name but I'm not fine with other people using it bcs. I can't accept myself. And don't even get me started on mirrors. I can't look inside one without having a breakdown about my breast and my body. I wish I was a girl, but I'm not. I wish I wasn't weird. I wish I was hot. I wish I was a cis girl with cool makeup that I wouldn't mess up. With long hair that flys in the wind and boys who wish that I get the hint that they think I'm feminine and beautiful and not disgusting like I truly am. ~M~