That Is Why

Why do I keep forcing myself to live when all I want to do is die? is it because im kidding? No. selfless? No. Hopeful? No. Scared of what's beyond? Yep. What's beyond my wretched life to be scared of many may ask... God. And I haven't exepted him into my life. I know he exists. I tell others about him. You would think I'd make it to Heaven, but if I myself have rejected him... I am warm. Cold or hot coffee? But no one likes it warm. Therefore, I would spit out the mouth of Jesus Christ, And be sentenced to Hell. My doing. My actions would bring me there. All because im sinful and do not even try. I would be forgiven each day as long as I tried my best for him. But i dont, I do not live for him. You could be a murderer and be forgiven and make it to Heaven. But if you do not genuinely accept God and repent even after the smallest sin, You are worse than scum.... And sentenced to life long torcher. I am scum. The worst. I know him, yet I reject my creator. He is merciful, loving, and only wants what's best for us. He does not force us to Hell. How do we end up there then? Ourselves. Our own selfish actions. If I die now, before my repentance, before giving myself to my savior... I will be Hellbound. That is why