Testimony Part 2

I found out my older brother would lock me and my younger brother in the bathroom many times because my parents were fist fighting bringing blood. he protected us. Thank God for him. the day my dad died remember laying on the couch. they had fought that night I was on the couch for that reason. he kissed me on the forehead before he left. that's the last time I saw my dad at 4 years old. You would think that would be traumatic enough that the devil would let that situation be no he didn't. I was anger for 20 years over my dads death. I would see my cousin and family together. it would break my heart knowing that they got the perfect life and I was missing the main piece of my heart for the rest of my life. i hated God. I would cry and scream to myself when I was alone from the pain inside my soul. was did God do. he brought this girl in my life and throw a bible to me. I still have this bible to this day. it kept me from killing myself many of times. Older lady my mom worked with got me this thing. there's pages missing where I ripped them out and gave him to my ex husband it got stains all over it ripped. but I can't use any other bible it don't feel right. I've had this thing since I was I believe 9 yrs old