terrible thing.

I want to confess this here, cause it's very heavy for me when break up happened the last time, I went and took medications and drank alcohol and then did one night thing with my childhood friend whom I never even thought of being a friend with carrying this around with me, my boyfriend and I patched up again, but I never told this to him I wanted something else to cry so I can't cry over him and my break up, I want something terrible to happen to me, since it won't happen, i willingly made it happen stupid right now I really broke up with my boyfriend because this guilt is killing me when someone asks me why did I break up, what should I even say, what can I even ever say I guess I'll shut up and say complicated while hiding my own sins although a part of me tells me it's not a sin, as a friend or as a follower, like if it's not a sin.