talking about her

You ask about her and although I have so much I could say, I shake my head and say I don't want to talk about it I pretend I can't hear you because hearing her name in the past tense is so difficult to hear. There are some things I still can't say out loud because I fear my heart will break I remind her how much she loves you, and how many years she'll have to live without telling you every single day. I can't talk about her not because I do not remember you see, but because thousands of memories flood my head and pour down my cheeks in rivers, the second I open my mouth.