suicidal thoughts pt. 1

I'm trapped in a box with no intentions to survive Praying...asking God why am I still alive I go to sleep each night knowing everything I say is a lie Knowing that is enough for me to break down and cry My father taught me to be tough and conquer your fears My mother taught me how to love and it's okay to shed a couple tears I struggle each day to survive living my life with doubt I'm trapped in a death hole with no hopes of getting out I've been tormented by the devil ever since I was a little boy He is the puppet master and I'm his #1 toy I've been bullied, misunderstood, charged with guilt to my heart Slowly but surely I'm loosing my mind...and my heart and soul is falling apart I can't help myself no matter how hard I try I need to find a way; the clock is winding down to the day I die It's like the devil has control over me, at least that's how it seems He usually gets me like Freddy Krueger...when I'm asleep, in my dreams I was raised in the church; my mom said when you're in trouble look for a way in the light But I'm too lost in the world and blinded by the night At this point in my life I am mentally unstable But I'm going to keep my eyes on God because I know he is able I have worn a mask all my life